In the game of love, as long as it is romantic enough, that's all that matters. We can leave the rest for later, right?
According to reports, a popular activity called the "Court of Love" emerged in the artistic circles (or "salons") of France in the 15th to 17th centuries. It was initiated by a Countess from Champagne, a famous commercial district in France. In this court, if a lover had grievances against their partner, they could appeal to the "Court of Love" and have the noble ladies and aristocrats presiding over the court consider who was right and who was wrong. Although some may argue that love is not about right or wrong, after all, which young couple in the midst of passionate love would want their feelings to be judged by others? However, during that time, these nobles who had received education in courtly love still held considerable influence in the realm of love: if someone did not accept their advice, they naturally lost the right to sue their new partner. On Valentine's Day in 1401, over 600 people participated, and it is said that the slogan of the court was "to serve humble, respectable, and praiseworthy lovers, as well as all ladies and noble maidens." (It is said that women needed to follow various rules about love, otherwise it could lead to various troubles, and they might even be unable to get married; men, on the other hand, faced fewer restrictions.)
One can imagine the elderly and respectable ladies or nobles offering various advice on love to young couples, and making judgments in times of conflict. Perhaps, many of these words may sound cliché, just like the books about love in our time (if there are still people relying on books to explore love). Perhaps, the judgments were wise, and compared to the inappropriate passion of young people, some mature and moderate rules could better reflect the delicate romance and enjoyment within human love.
Let's briefly discuss a few cases, and I will provide some comments in parentheses.
Once, a Countess was judged as "dishonest" because she wanted to be loved but refused to express her love to her lover. (Love requires honesty, not concealment.)
A man lost an eye and an arm while fighting bravely in battle, and his lover rejected him because she did not want to accept his painful and ugly appearance. The judgment at that time was as follows:
"This woman is judged to be unworthy of any honor because when he fought bravely and was mutilated as a result, she would rather give up her love for him. Generally, a man's courage would inspire a woman's love and strongly satisfy their desire for love. So why would a man's disability caused by his bravery make his lover lose her love?" (In ancient China, women who betrayed soldiers were severely condemned.)
In another case, a man pursued his love through another man as an intermediary, but the intermediary chose to pursue the woman himself. At that time, the Countess of Champagne gave the following judgment:
"Let this intermediary come forward, as he has found a woman worthy of his praise because she is not ashamed to enjoy the love obtained through this wicked means. If he wishes, let her enjoy this friendship that she deems worthy. But these two people must forever stay away from the love of others, and they are no longer allowed to participate in gatherings of ladies or knights, because he did not obey the command of a knight, and she did not uphold the honor of a lady." (The boy is too shy, the intermediary is untrustworthy, but the girl still accepted him. In this case, the judgment of the Countess was actually quite reasonable.)
What can we see from these cases? Compared to wild and unrestrained passion, love—where men could simply knock out their loved ones and drag them back to their caves—is actually a cultural product. And for those who appreciate these love stories, love can even be considered a poetic invention. Just think, compared to "making love" (which originally meant "exclusive sexual intercourse"), isn't the process of courtship more elegant and moving? At least, if we say it is like role-playing, it gives men an ideal, brave, and generous image, and gives women a dignified, respectable, and cherished status.
Rationally speaking, love between people is not a simple, automatic, or physiologically determined emotional activity, but rather an activity highly encoded with a certain order and norms. However, in the animal world, courtship is not as "simple" or "automatic" as most people imagine, compared to human courtship. I believe that human love is not necessarily more noble or civilized than animal love. And nobility and civilization should not be built upon the depreciation of human natural attributes; on the contrary, they should be based on respect for human natural attributes.
Lastly, is love like a game? In our modern world, there are countless game-like loves, such as dating games in virtual worlds, as well as social games in reality that involve ambiguity, possession, and competition. For boys and girls, following the rules of the game, doing their best, may make them become powerful figures in a certain field and enjoy the pleasure of being pursued by others, even if they fail, they don't have to take it too seriously, and they will have their place in other aspects. Compared to over 500 years ago, it seems that the way humans court each other has not progressed much. Even for the poorer classes, direct and bold love is often more favored—there is a saying that directly translates to "raw rice cooked into mature rice."
In the end, let's just treat love as a game. Because there are many things that are worth being sad about, but love really doesn't need to be taken too seriously. In the game of love, as long as it is romantic enough, that's all that matters. We can leave the rest for later, right?
Reference:
- "Lacan on Love: An Exploration of Seminar VIII" by Bruce Fink, translated by Lacan Subtitle Group
Postscript:
I recently finished reading this book, "Lacan on Love," and there are some interesting ideas that can be written into articles. If I write a lot, I can make it into a series. Just for everyone's enjoyment.